Humboldt Roller Derby’s Story

Chapter 1

The conception

Before Jenneral Ms. Chief , my derby persona was born, I was a woman in her thirties with my given birth name Jennifer McMahon. I am still a woman in my thirties but now with a new sense of purpose. It all started with a gift from my man. He bought me some fancy inline skates so we could tear up the town in the still of the night. However I was not very excited about inline skates. So I did some homework found a fun site in Canada that sold quad roller skates. They were just like the ones I had when I was a young girl only better. My fabulous man (of 10 years) ordered me quads skates against his inline bias.

When they arrived in the mail I was so happy. I put them on. They were black with red wheels. Perfect. My boyfriend thought I was nuts. But anything to get me outside skating with him. I put them on and nope, it’s not like riding a bike. The only word to describe my first experience out in the streets of Eureka: Awkward! But the more I skated the easier it got. Night time was great because no one could see me fall and there was hardly any traffic.

That was my logic in the beginning anyway. A few months passed and I was flipping channels on TV. Rollergirls… what’s this?

It was a show on A&E and it was beautiful. I never new such a sport like Roller Derby exsisted. I watched, every episode while thinking the whole time how fun it would be to do Roller Derby. I thought it was a bummer we did not have Roller Derby up here. Then I started thinking why not? There have to be women like me that think this is just as cool; women that want to skate on quads and kick some ass in the process.

A year later I started the mission, contacting WFTDA (Women’s Flat Track derby Association) and finding leagues everywhere. There are tons in California. Wow! Then my friend sent me this posting from Craigslist. It said, “looking to move to Humboldt in 2010, want to have roller derby.”

Honestly I thought this was someone who was just a beginner but what the hell, I had been contacting everyone else so why not. I was wrong! It was Bonnie D. Stroir from the San Diego Derby Dolls. We e-mailed and phoned each other and hit it off immediately. The fantastic thing is that I have a ton of family in San Diego. She told me about their boot camp. I made plans for my derby adventure, took two weeks off work and killed two birds with one stone: derby and family. How perfect?

While being very excited I was also very intimidated. I mean that I have not skated seriously since I was a kid. Besides going forward and swooping around corners, I had nothing like the skills you need for Derby. Also, I have not skated at skating rink in over 20 years. I walked in Thursday evening to SDDD boot camp.

Did I say intimidating? I mean frightening. Here were all these women preparing for practice, strapping on pads and safety gear. Honestly, I thought “Holy shit! Here goes nothing.” Then to add pressure to the whole experience, Bonnie, in front of her whole squad said everyone this is my Derby wife. I guess I should explain what that means.

I met Bonnie in person for the first time as we carpooled to the practice location. She said there is this thing called a derby wife and I want to know if you will be mine. I was like Uhhhh…thinking what the hell is a derby wife and I have a boyfriend. She then tells me what a Derby wife is: Someone who is your personal strength in Derby, someone who watches your back. I had sudden sigh of relief, I thought that sounded great.

I said yes. I will admit it was awkward. That being said most of the women in San Diego knew what a derby wife was and when she made that announcement I thought great “no pressure” I am now a derby wife of the founder of SDDD and I suck at skating.” Sweet!”

But it all went well. Let me preface by saying the SDDD were overall the most amazing group of women I have encountered. I attend a show in Las Vegas for my job; the APP convention. Until Roller Derby it was the only place I felt truly at home. The women, while at first site were so intimidating, made me feel like “shoot, we all started somewhere, get your ass on your skates and have fun”. The first day of boot camp we had a young coach who made us fall for an hour. My tail bone still hurts. For lack of a better description I came home with a bruise that looked as if I was growing a whole new ass on the top of my ass. I sat on a bag of frozen peas and my Grandmother, whom I was visiting in San Diego, could not understand the draw. But I sat with perma-grin on my face all night. I can not say it was better than sex but it was a very euphoric experience.

(Note to all the ladies thinking about derby: do not wear jeans to practice. Falling on buttons and seams are not fun-Jenneral Ms.Chief’s lesson number one)

The two weeks flew by. I actually did not get to see Bonnie as much as I would have liked but between my family and her schedule we kept missing each other.

When I came home, someone from the Northcoast Journal saw the craigslist posting . They contacted me so they could run an article and the rest was like magic.

I am not the fanciful type but it really was magical. Women from all over Humboldt County sat in coffee shops, homes, workplaces, and got calls from friends about roller derby in Humboldt County.

At my first official meeting we had 60 women!

After the first meeting it took 2 months to find a spot that would let us practice. I mean, really it was like Roller Derby equaled an incurable rash to landlords. My good friend Amanda Masterson and I scoured Humboldt for a spot. Then it was again like magic. Heather from Blue Lake roller rink jumped through hoops and accepted us with open arms. We had a couple of men to coach who were great on skates. They are volunteer by the way. Their names are Joey and Box. If it was not for them we would not be as far along as we are.

I owe the City of Blue Lake a huge thank you for where we are because if it was not for them we would be much farther behind.

After a few months of growth and some injuries, we were ready for a larger space. The search was on again. Then Redwood Acres opened their doors to us. We now practice there two times a week and have off skate endurance practice one day a week at various locations.

In reality we all do it for the love of Derby.

Skaters came and went but as of the current date we have 25 core women. Women that went from moms, accountants, PG&E supervisors, engineers, etc.. to Derby Divas like, Anya the Bunny Slayer , Sissy Jr, Demanda Tension, Grrrl Haggard, Guts and Gloria, Elysian Wheels, the list is large and growing. HRD is a force to be reckoned with. We are a group of strong, smart, and independent women that are going to bring our home town the best sport to ever hit the North Coast. Because in the end, behind the fun uniforms and personas, we are women athletes. Training to inspire young girls to become strong women. When you’re a roller derby queen nothing is impossible.

Chapter 2

The Ladies

Now the idea has turned to the reality of hard work. I went to my friend Amanda Masterson for help. I needed someone I trusted who could help me. Plus USARS, the insurance company needed a “president” and “Vice president”. She was great with organizing , excel sheets, and she is one tough lady with sports experience, so in short, she was my woman.

Amanda was re-born as “Demanda Tension”. Be careful because she looks so sweet when she’s smile’n at you but she will knock you on your ass. She skates so aggressive she has broken her helmet! Watch out.

Before we started the more stable dues based system we were working hard to make ends meet. So the core of us got together and decided to run a carwash for a month down at STIL on Broadway. The premise was that we needed money for a trip to Vegas for a fantastic event called Rollercon. I will get to that in a minute.

The carwash fundraiser was also a bake sale. Karen ( Madame X) made fantastic roller-skate cookies, Ellie ( Elysian Wheels) made fabulous signs, and a core of women showed up like, Yolanda (Tyrannic Hispanic), Sara Sullivan (Guts and Gloria), Jennifer Jenkins (Grrrl Haggard), Jennifer Aspittle (Ass paddle) and many more donated treats and time. Monica Anthony (Wierd Alice) and Shannon Snyder (Shameless), and Demanda Tension came to every car wash to muscle the cars clean. On the other end of town Becky Brose (Scar E. Night) ran a yard sale where we all donated our wears and furniture. Our ladies showed up in force raising funds for HRD.

Our Mission was Rollercon: Derby Eutopia.

In the end the reality of rent and other expenses gobbled up the fruits of our labor but 14 of us managed to pull our own funds together and make it happen.

RollerCon is an organized event in Las Vegas Nevada where hundreds of Derby athletes get together to teach, learn, play, and I am not telling you what else. We have to have some secrets.

Our ambassador in Vegas was Shameless. She was so happy at Rollercon other leagues asked what kind of air was in Humboldt. She was a beacon of joy along with her partner in crime Madame X. Both of which were engaged and married in Vegas, Derby Wives forever.

Our next fundraiser was not big on funds but it was still fantastic. Elysian Wheels donated her family’s space to make art for the “Muggle Skate Party”. It was the event before the release of the new Harry Potter book. Kara Randolph (Anya the Bunny Slayer) came up with the idea and we all rallied around the fun. The decorations were so great someone bought them off of us for a birthday party. How can a fundraiser be a success when you lose money? Simple, kids came dressed up along with their parents and had so much fun. We had wizard-hat craft tables, Harry Potter costume contest, and a sorting hat ceremony. It was great. Who can’t appreciate a cute mug in a Harry potter outfit? So we had fun and the community had fun: Success!

In between all this fun we have been practicing two times a week. Well, actually three if you count our off skate practice which is sometimes at the Redwood Bowl and sometimes a street skate. Can I just talk about practice? We have two coaches. Joey and Box. Box is our nurturing coach and Joey is our kick your ass get in line coach. We all need a little love and we all love to get our asses kicked.

They have done wonders! Where would we be with out our coaches? At practice we are learning so many killer skills. We fall a lot, sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. We are learning pack skating, defensive skills and running drills. I do not want to brag, but man, has this league come far? We are lucky. We have access to already established teams that are generous with knowledge, we have access to research information to give us a leg up from the leagues that have had to learn from the ground up, and we have our trusty Racheal Hernandez (Raqhell) the Dues Collector to keep us on point so we can pay rent. The women in this league, while I have not mentioned them all by name, are working their booties off to bring the most completive game to Humboldt County while helping to keep the league going.

Our next fundraiser was a yard sale. I must say though it was for the dedication of one woman, Kerry McNally (McNasty). She donated her house, her garage, and got up in the wee hours in the morning to set up all the goodies our derby ladies donated. She raised a ton of money for our league. Whitney Wirt (Thunder Muffin) showed up and helped out.

I almost forgot one of the most exciting things was the Times Standard Article. They ran a two page spread on our league and the sport. It was so exciting. I wish I had the article handy because the quote from Shameless was priceless. KSLUG did an interview and KHSU interviewed our PR panel. This is just the tip of the iceberg. We are taken over the sports page boys. Just wait and see.

So next time you see a flyer for Humboldt Roller Derby know that the event is put on with lots of effort and love of your fabulous Roller Derby league. So go out and support your league!

Chapter 3

Game day

To be continued…..